Whats the glycemic index on semen?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
