I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
