you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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