u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Semen is not good for contacts.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
