I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
