I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
