dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
