i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
