An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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