I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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