who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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