are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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