i barfeds in our rink
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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