I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
