Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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