You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
