a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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