Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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