:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
