If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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