the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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