I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
