Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
