Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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