worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
