god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
