Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
