I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
