I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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