Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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