Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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