things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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