I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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