This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
