so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
