Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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