I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
