..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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