Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
