pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
