I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
