It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize