Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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