This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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