Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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