I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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