my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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