eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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