I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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