my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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