your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
