That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So squirting runs in the family.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So much rum. So many feels.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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