I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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