He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
