Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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