high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
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There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
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And then my night got REAL pukey
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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