I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
