STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's blow job season.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
