Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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