haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
