I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
