New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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