i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
