worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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