i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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