well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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