i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
