In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
