I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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