I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
