In America we eat man semen.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
