Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
