So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
