She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
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we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
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