You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
