My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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