How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
