i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You can't special order awesome
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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