I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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