Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
