1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
