Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
