Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
